


Everyone is Here: Yet Another SSBU Chatfic

by her0esneverdie



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: chatfic, expect lgbt themes and characters, for one chapter, like... big time gay shit, not original but still fun for me :), super smash bros ultimate, super smash brothers ultimate - Freeform, transphobia TW, wario is an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-09-18 03:48:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16987488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/her0esneverdie/pseuds/her0esneverdie
Summary: Pit added Palutena and 74 othersPit changed the group name to Everyone Is Here!Pit: hey guys! i thought it’d be cool if we started up a group chat with every fighter! im excited to talk with you all more!dark pit changed Pit’s nickname to shit pitdark pit left the groupshit pit: alright,





	1. Chapter 1

Pit added Palutena and 74 others  
Pit changed the group name to Everyone Is Here!

Pit: hey guys! i thought it’d be cool if we started up a group chat with every fighter! im excited to talk with you all more!

dark pit changed Pit’s nickname to shit pit  
dark pit left the group

shit pit: alright,

Mario: That’s a great idea! Looking forward to getting to know you better, everyone!

Marth: Dear fellow fighters: The device you gave me when I entered the fight is now buzzing, and transcriptions of conversation are appearing. Letters have appeared at the bottom of the screen, and I am now using them to send this report. Am I in any immediate danger? Warmest regards, Marth.

Junior: someone go explain it to him please

Lucina: on it

Junior: thanks

Richter: Hey, everyone? First of all it’s great to meet all of you. Second, why does every single fighter have a phone? Some of them can’t even speak.

SAMUS: It’s the rules.

SAMUS: And just because they can’t speak doesn’t mean they can’t read. 

SAMUS: Kirby responds with emoticons.

kirby!: ヾ(＾∇＾)

Richter: ….  
Richter: I like Kirby.

SAMUS: Everyone likes Kirby.


	2. Log 1: cloud is that bitch

zelda: hey, is anyone up? having trouble sleeping. 

link: hi you already know i’m up we literally share a room zelda

cloud: me

Daisy: sadly yes i’m up

zelda: oh hey y’all!  
zelda: daisy why sadly?

Daisy: my room is next to palutena’s

link: omg

zelda: ?  
zelda: why is that bad?

cloud: she and samus are fucking

zelda: CLOUD !!!

Daisy: No i mean he’s right  
Daisy: palutena is a screamer

cloud: could have easily gone my whole life without knowing that

Daisy: sorry zel lmao

link: everyone has to learn about the birds and the bees eventually

Daisy: zelda omg i didn’t actually mean to upset you i’m sorry

link: she’s not upset she’s just curled up in a gay little red ball

cloud: CALLED IT  
cloud: my gaydar is never wrong and also roy owes me ten dollars

Roy: Fuck you

cloud: have you been watching this whole time  
cloud: did you seriously just pipe up once you were directly mentioned.

Roy: I just woke up and saw your name and said fuck you I didn’t see that you mentioned me i’ll read back

Roy: Oh double fuck you 

cloud: lol

link: since when were sam and palu together?

Daisy: i think it’s a casual thing

Roy: You’d think it’d be Bayonetta tbh

Daisy: no she’s married

Roy: She’s WHAT

Daisy: yeah she’s got a wife back in her universe  
Daisy: her name is jeanne or smth  
Daisy: a lot of these folks have partners back home  
Daisy: i know my girl peach is with pauline

zelda: you guys know that this is the full roster group chat right palu and samus are gonna see this eventually

Daisy: GOOD  
Daisy: i want palutena to feel bad for keeping me up so late

zelda: ok im going to force myself to sleep now i want no part of this  
zelda: palutena if you see this i had no part in it i am a bystander

cloud: psh  
cloud: not my god bitch  
cloud: call me when minerva steps in  
cloud: palutena doesn’t control gaia’s lifestream palutena can go fuck herself

Roy: She already has Samus for that

cloud: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

link: if palu doesnt smite you then samus will snap your neck the minute she sees you

Roy: She can try

link: if you want to seriously truthfully tell me that you aren’t actually afraid of samus i will cook for you for a week

SAMUS: And I’ll crush your jaw under the heel of my boot.

 

cloud: lol i can hear him screaming from my room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being bad at writing this ive been spending too much time actually playing the game bc im obsessed with it surprising absolutely nobody


	3. late holiday log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> totally forgot to upload this when it was actually the holidays so yeehaw post holiday holiday log

Lucas: Happy holidays, everyone!

kirby!: (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊

WARIO!!!!!!: WHAT? WHY HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND NOT MERRY CHRISTMAS

Lucas: Not everyone celebrates Christmas!

Pikachu: Pika!!

Villager(s): Yeah! I know we celebrate Toy Day, buddy!

Isabelle: That’s right, Mayor!  
Isabelle: Er, Mayors, I suppose?  
Isabelle: I wonder how the Toy Day celebrations are going back home..  
Isabelle: Maybe I should just check in…

Villager(s): STOP, buddy!

cloud: isabelle just tried to do work during the holidays everyone check it off of your bingo sheets

Peach: I’ve purchased gifts for each and every one of you, so please remember to show up to the celebrations so I can deliver them to you! <3

Wind: ALL OF US?????  
Wind: YOU KNOW HOW BIG THE ROSTER IS RIGHT

cloud: probably expended half of the royal treasury getting them

Ike: Cloud being snarky, check it off your bingo sheets

cloud: bastard

Ike: Love you too babe

LadyCorrin: Aw cute

cloud: keep it to yourself, girl corn

LordCorrin: Ouch.

cloud: that goes the same for you too corn  
cloud: begone shining twins

LadyCorrin: We aren’t twins?????????

Roy: Wait what  
Roy: I thought you two were siblings this whole time

LadyCorrin: NO????

LordCorrin: We’re the same person from two alternate universes, we’re just different genders.

Chrom: Roy is an idiot, mark it off your bingo sheets

Roy: WOW et tu chrom

Marth: I have to say, I’m kind of surprised that you knew enough about Shakespeare to reference Julius Caesar.

Roy: WHY AM I BEING GANGED UP ON BY EVERYONE FROM MY UNIVERSE

Lucina: Not everyone  
Lucina: Some of us are just watching

Roy: You’re all going to hell and im going to be chilling in heaven with santa christ

SNAKE: Can’t tell if you’re being a legitimate idiot or an ironic idiot.

Roy: Snake fight me literally right now let’s go omega form any stage your choice no items

SNAKE: My weapons don’t count as items.

Roy: Bullshit in what world is a rocket launcher not an item that’s cheating

SNAKE: Fight me or don’t fight me.  
SNAKE: I’ll choke you out, slumdog.

cloud: i think i like snake 

SNAKE: Thanks, spikes.

cloud: i don’t think i like snake


	4. queer log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahsjkshsjs been a while huh? sorry i’m bad at this  
> this is the obligatory chapter where i squeeze in trans girl link content because legally speaking i have to and i love her so much

zelda: i have to say guys, it’s really… relieving to see that a lot of other fighters fall under the lgbt+ umbrella. 

Bowsette: I was summoned? 

zelda: akshdhdjdnjd  
zelda: im guessing by the username it’s she/her today?

Bowsette: Yep. Gonna be using the crown when I’m not in fights.

Bayonetta~: Oh, what a shame. And here I was hoping I’d get a chance to scrape knuckles with the internet’s darling femme fatale.

Bowsette: No can do, sis. The crown helps with dysphoria, but it doesn’t assist much in fights.

zelda: wait are you guys fighting today???? aaahh im gonna miss it!! i’m not at the smash mansion!! i’m visiting a friend back home!!

Bowsette: No worries. I’ll save a replay of it. I won’t even charge you the pay-per-view price!

zelda: asshhdjdksjsgshs shut upp

Bayonetta: “the Fling in the Ring: Genderfluid Beauty Bowsette VS Gunslinging Pansexual Bayonetta”

WARIO!!!!!!: YOURE BEING WEIRD BOWSER.

kirby!: (ಠ ∩ಠ)

link: wtf wario? being genderfluid isn’t weird.

WARIO!!!!!!: IT IS WEIRD. IVE KNOWN BOWSER SINCE THE NINETIES. HES A BIG SCALY MASCULINE REPTILE MONSTER. NOT A GIRL. NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE LOOKS LIKE ONE.

zelda: wario i swear to god shut your mouth! 

Bowsette: ...Yeah, alright, whatever you lumpy bastard. You aren’t worth my time. I have a match to catch.

WARIO!!!!!!: SEE YOU LATER QUEER

link: what the hell, dude??

WARIO!!!!!!: LIKE YOU HAVE ANY ROOM TO TALK. AT LEAST BOWSER LOOKS LIKE A CHICK. WHEN YOU WEAR THOSE GIRLS CLOTHES OUT OF THE MANSION YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A FRUIT. 

 

 

zelda: link? what is he talking about?

link has left the group chat.

 

dm: zelda & link

-missed call-  
zelda: link please talk to me  
zelda: im really really worried about you

-missed call-  
zelda: link please please pick up the phone i’m begging you

-2 missed calls-  
zelda: i just want to know that you’re okay

 

link: i’m fine

zelda: oh thank god  
zelda: i’m sorry i know i must be really annoying i’m just so worried

link: i’m fine, zelda.

zelda: oh   
zelda: okay

 

zelda: is it okay if i ask what’s up? 

link: i think that’s pretty obvious  
link: everyone thinks i’m a freak

zelda: you mean wario????? wario is NOT everyone like nobody agrees with him

link: nobody said anything when he outed me they were all disgusted

zelda: link you know that’s not true  
zelda: nobody knew how to respond  
zelda: it was a really intimate thing that was pushed into the open when nobody was ready for it

zelda: that’s wario’s fault, not yours.

link: i guess??? idk it still feels awful

zelda: that’s totally valid dude he literally stole your ability to come out on your own  
zelda: if it was a coming out thing? idk if it was or if you just like wearing femme clothes 

link: it was a coming out thing

zelda: okay, then here’s the plan: you come out on your terms. and everyone will be totally supportive i absolutely promise you.

 

link: ...ok

 

Everyone is Here!  
Pit + 93 others

zelda: okay y’all it’s time to take out the trash  
zelda: hey pit can i get mod privilege for a sec

Pit: yeah of course!

zelda is now a moderator.

zelda: excellent  
zelda: *cracks knuckles*

Mod zelda has removed WARIO!!!!!! from the group.

Mod zelda has added link to the group.

cloud: and all was right with the world

zelda: alright everyone listen up this is important! don’t interrupt or i will smite you with my mod-ly power!

Pit: ………..

zelda is no longer a moderator

zelda: y’know what honestly that’s fair  
zelda: still though listen up

link: hi everyone,,,  
link: i’m really tired of ignoring it and trying to hide it so i’m just going to say it  
link: im a girl! i’m transgender. i’d prefer she/her pronouns. 

Shulk: Happy for you!

cloud: ok cool  
cloud: nothing funny is happening and there’s nobody to insult so i’m needed elsewhere

MEGA MAN: That’s great! I’m here if you need me!

SAMUS: Oh shit there’s another trans girl on the team? Nice.

MissRobin: Does that mean the other Links are transgender as well?

YoungL: No. I am, however, available for support.

Wind: no! luv u tho calamity link

link: there has to be a better name for me than that

Wind: nope! you’re a calamity get used to it link

kirby!: (⌒▽⌒)♡

Lucas: I’m really happy for you!!!!!!! <3

Ness: hell yeah dude

link: thank you but don’t say hell you're like twelve

Ness: first of all i’m thirteen and second of all i’ve killed a godlike entity that was the literal embodiment of chaos

link: point taken  
link: counterpoint  
link: i’ll tell your mom

Ness: touché


End file.
